I just can't stop

It's very sad how I keep on binging when I know how much its making me feel bad about myself. Yesterday started out great. I had only had 20 calories in the morning and I burned it all off. It was literally the second time I had left my room for the whole day, and my family begged me to bake something. At first I didn't lick  anything. Then out of nowhere, I taste some cake batter. Wrong move. When I start, I can't stop. I continued to taste and taste the empty calories that I had sworn to myself I would never taste. Then I took out the icing, and tasted and tasted and tasted. And of course I made my brother a peanut butter sandwich and tasted the peanut butter too. Well, at this point I felt like total and utter crap. I cut several times. I even tried to purge, but it failed and just made me feel sick. So, here I am feeling terrible, and then we go out to eat. I happend to get the most fattiest, greasiest, most calorie-dence salad in my entire life. I was king of afraid of it. But I ate, and ate, and ate nearly the whole freaking salad. It wasn't even a salad! It was fried food in a bowl of even more fried food! Even the bowl was fried! So, I spent the rest of my night feeling terrible both physically, and emotionally. I decided I would wear a rubber band around my wrist to snap it on my wrist whenever I feel like eating. I am also going to not eat until 2:00pm today. Wish me luck.

Intro

Hi This is my blog about my fight with ana. I am having a really hard time dealing with life because anorexia has completly consumed it. I was in recovery for a month but am currently in a relapse. I really want to be 75 pounds hopefully before April. I need to lose 12 pounds in less then 3 months. Wish me luck.